Oh, God. Did you hear about Debra, she was out all day drinking Heroin out of a hot water bottle; Fell down on a burning sword and exploded into a million bits and then she attacked by two tiny dwarfs made intirly out of celery and spider sperm, throwing this big tin-foil at her that they'd stolen from a bus full of school children who were smugling chutney accross the mexican border in their heads and they all were chased down a chocolate well, where they drowned a pool of Dentists piss.
DYLAN MORAN
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Read if you are uncomfortably bald
"Unfortunatley, a deranged hairdresser has viciously attacked your head, lopping off hair with reckless abandon necesitating a drastic solution that has left you doing uncanny impersonations of a potato. If you went out on a sunny day, you'd dazzle the pilots of passing aircraft precipitating a major catastrophe"
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that's not how I heard it happened
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